8/21/2007
By Daniel in MI
for BigBlueInteractive.com
With the recent comments by former Giants’ RB Tiki Barber regarding QB Eli Manning’s leadership and pre-game speeches, we thought it would be instructive to do a side-by-side comparison of pre-game speeches from some past, and current, acknowledged team leaders. Our crack (addicted) research staff dug deep into the archives of NFL Films, game tapes, and apparently, into the archives of no fewer than 48 adult content internet sites (the purpose of which our nosey accounting department is asking some rather pointed questions). TOSR felt that by getting these speeches, you’d get to understand the sights, the sounds, the smells of our hard working team leaders in action). And we got that. But, we got more. A lot more. Now, as usual, although much of what you find here may be apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it does score over more pedestrian news sources in two important ways: (1) we do not currently have a kennel of fighting dogs we are operating illicitly under the name “TOSR is Bad Nuz Kennels and Laundromat”; (2) we’re giving away slightly used dogs with each issue for a limited time!
Now, let’s look at the pre game speeches. We have one each from Keith Hamilton, Tiki Barber, Eli Manning, and Coach Coughlin.
Keith “Hammer” Hamilton Pre-Game Speech Before Preseason Game 3 vs. Jets, 2000
“Damn, you [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]ers, we gonna [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] in their [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] and [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] their [expletive deleted] in [expletive deleted] with my big black [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. And if one of you [expletive deleted] don’t [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] what you supposed to [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] do [expletive deleted] I’m gonna [expletive deleted] my [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] in your [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. Feel me, [expletive deleted]s? [expletive deleted] on [expletive deleted] 3: [expletive deleted] 1 [expletive deleted] 2 [expletive deleted]3: [expletive deleted]!”
Tiki from Last Year: Pre-Game Speech Before Raiders Game 16 for the Playoffs
“Ok fellas. Hey don’t crowd around too close. Camera guy, you have a clear shot? Is there a glare from my head? Sound check? Check Check shibboleth shibboleth check one check two. Ok? Levels good? Ok, here we go. Men, as you all know, I’m going to be retiring soon. And, when your time is coming to an end, as mine is, you feel your mortality, and you want to make each game really count. You want to light up the sky like a…line!…right, like a shooting star! But, I can’t do that if you are not helping me shine. We have lost a couple of games, so we’ve sort up put ourselves ‘a fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi’ as they said in ancient Rome. Wait, …hold on guys, I can do that one better. Let me get a second take. As they said in ancient Rome, men, we find ourselves ‘a fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi.’ So, let us go now and be as the ravenous lions are to the wounded impala in my home land of Africa, cry the beloved country (albeit via New York and Virginia). Let us play so that I will be remembered as one of the all time greats. (Snee, step out of my light, please, you’re castings a shadow on my good side. Thanks.) And, let me dazzle the fans and our coaches, however undeserving, with my talents. Let’s get our hands in here and say, ‘me’ on 3. 1, 2, 3: Tiki! Aaaaand scene!”
Eli’s Pre-Game Speech Before the 1st Preseason Game 2007 vs. the Panthers
“Uh, yeah. Hi. Let’s like, um…win? And stuff? Or whatever? And, ya know, just kind of like…do the stuff like what we did in practice but with more whatchamacall it…intensity or whatever. Is that Ok? Guys? Oh, hold on, that’s my phone — Peyton? I told you not to call me at work…no…no…not right now, no…’cause the guys are watching…coooome ooon…ok fine, you’re the Super Bowl Manning, ok? Now I gotta go. No, I don’t wanna talk to Dad, I’m trying to do a pre-game here…no…why do you always do this to me? I hate you I hate you I hate you! Put mom on. Mom? He’s doing it again! Yeah, ok, we’ll talk later. Bye, Mommy. — Anyway, sorry guys. So, let’s put our hands in? Ok? And say ‘Yay Team’ on 3. 1….2…hey, guys where are you going? …guys, 3! ‘Yay! Team? Guys? Wait up!’”
Coach Coughlin: Ravens Pre-Game Speech This Past Sunday vs. the Ravens
“Ok men, this is a very important game from a preparation standpoint. Now, look across the field, from the standpoint of our team to their team. You see those huge Ravens guys over there looking back from their standpoint? They are very much ready for what we’re going to bring to them from a physical and mental preparation standpoint. Yep, they are good and ready, you can tell from a ‘what’s in their eyes’ standpoint. They may very well kick your tails. So, we need to go out there and have a good game from an execution standpoint. And we need to be smart from a mental standpoint. So, let’s say a prayer from a religious standpoint. ‘God, please watch over us from a health standpoint and help us be victorious from a win-loss standpoint.’ Ok, guys, hands in the middle in exactly 3 seconds, and let’s go on 3. One, two, three: STANDPOINT!”
So, there you have it. You can feel, respectively, their [explitive deleted] intensity, feel the self-love, feel the leadership, and feel the standpoint! But, as they say, there is more to being a leader than pre-game speeches. There are also post-game excuses. More on that in the next edition.
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